I Love LAP Theatre: The Supreme Court Goes to Denny's

Waitress: ..... And we have a Grand Slam for you, sixteen strips of bacon for you, and one more Grand Slam for you. Alright, does everything look all right?

Justice Souter: Looks good, thank you.

Chief Justice Roberts: Yes, everything looks delicious.



Justice Scalia: Umm, excuse me ma'am. Where is the rest of my eggs?



Waitress: I'm sorry, sir. I don't understand. You ordered two eggs, sunny side up, right?

Justice Scalia: Yes. Two eggs, sunny side up. Where is the rest of the eggs?

Waitress: You have two sunny side eggs in front of you.

Justice Scalia: Yes, the insides of two eggs. The menu says I get two eggs. Not the yolks of two eggs, not the whites of two eggs, not the insides of two eggs. Two eggs. Where are my shells?

Justice Alito: Oh God, not again.

Waitress: You wanted to be served egg shells?

Justice Scalia: That's what I ordered. Two eggs. That's what is on the menu. That's what I want. Where are my shells? I didn't say anything when I ordered "water" and you brought me water sullied with ice cubes, but this is just unconscionable.

Justice Souter: What on earth are you going to do with egg shells?

Justice Scalia: That's none of your damn business, Dave.

Waitress: I'm sorry, sir, I.... I....

Justice Scalia: And another thing, why did Stevens get two slices of toast? He's only supposed to get one.



Justice Stevens: I only have one slice of toast, tubbo. It's cut in half.

Justice Scalia: Sliced in half. Two slices.

Justice Kennedy: So if they were to go in the back and cut a whole loaf of bread in half, that would be two slices of bread? That's ridiculous.

Justice Scalia: But it would be true to the words on the menu. Something this establishment apparently has no interest in.



Justice Breyer: Since you're still here, Miss, could I send these back and get some different pancakes?

Waitress: Do they taste wrong or something?

Justice Breyer: Absolutely not. They're delicious. They're just too thick.

Chief Justice Roberts: Too thick?

Justice Breyer: Yes, my research on the origins of the pancake have revealed that a true pancake has a thickness no greater than a quarter of an inch. These specimens are over three-eights of an inch thick. Could you have the guys in back make me some proper pancakes please?

Justice Ginsburg: They're pancakes. They're round. They're delicious. And they invariably give you room-clearing gas. Wait, you brought a ruler to breakfast?

Justice Breyer: Uh, yeah. What about it?

Justice Alito: And you found it necessary to research "pancakes"?

Justice Breyer: Uh, yeah. Like always. You guys never pay attention to me. Anyways, could I just go ahead and get those pancakes?..... Super.

Justice Scalia: And bring me my egg shells! And a manager.

[5 minutes later]



Denny's Manager: I'm sorry, your Honors, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave....

Chief Justice Roberts: I was afraid of that.

Denny's Manager: And never come back.

Chief Justice Roberts: That too.

Justice Breyer: How would you define 'never'? For future reference.


Justice Clarence Thomas: Hey can I get a box for my sixteen strips of bacon?