Saturday, May 9, 2009

I Love LAP Theatre - X-Men Origins: The Finals Encounter


Test Proctor: Alright, is everyone at the double stop signs?



Wolverine: Yeah, I'm ready go. But what is that guy doing in here?


Proctor: Yes, this final examination is for X-Men only, sir. You're going to have to leave.




Kelsey Grammer: But I am one of the X-Men.




Storm: You're not one the X-Men, you're just Kelsey Grammer wearing a bunch of blue make-up. You're not a mutant. You don't have any superpowers.


Kelsey Grammer: You think I don't have any super powers? You ever see a little show called Frasier? Every person that ever appeared on that show was a holographic image I myself created. You were viewing a physical manifestation of my brain activity. And it was one of the great stalwarts of mid-90s primetime comedy. Super powers. David Hyde Pierce? Figment of my imagination.


Wolverine: You're full of it.


Kelsey Grammer: You think I don't possess super powers? Take a look at me.

Now take a look at my daughter, Spencer.





Storm: I see your point.


Wolverine: Too bad you couldn't give her a girl's name.


Kelsey Grammer: I got a girl's name, Spencer got a boy's name. It's an old family tradition.


Wolverine: It's an ongoing cycle of child abuse.


Kelsey Grammer: You're not one to talk about names. Logan? It sounds a type of decorative piece of office furniture. "Hey Helen, did you bring the documents? Oh shoot, no, I must have left them on the logan." And Jean Grey? I can't decide if that sounds like a porn star's acting name or a character from a Jane Austen novel.



Wolverine: MY NAME IS WOLVERINE!


Proctor: Yeah, okay guys we're going to need to go ahead and start this test. Mr. Grammer can stay. Sir, you're going to have to remove those glasses before we start.




Cyclops: WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!?


Proctor: Ok, you can keep them on. Let's get started.


Juggernaut: I'm gonna ace it, because I'M THE JUGGERNAUT, BITCH!


Proctor: You have three hours. You may begin.




3 HOURS LATER


Proctor: Ok, everyone, time is up.


Wolverine: Wow, that was brutal. How did you guys do?


Cyclops: I accidentally vaporized my computer. I got nothin.


Juggernaut: I'M THE JUGGERNAUT BITCH!


Storm: I'm pretty sure I failed. I need to just go outside and let off some steam.










Wolverine: Well, that was a bad idea.

P.S. - Sorry Cara.

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