I Love LAP

RIP Johnnie Cochran 1937-2005

2010-04-08T11:37:00.001-07:00

Mr. Belvedere Cannot Be Stopped

2010-03-27T15:54:00.000-07:00

1.6% of brackets picked Butler to advance to the Final Four. I Love LAP was one of these brackets. Told you so.

The I Love LAP Bracket

2010-03-16T08:42:00.000-07:00

It's that time of year again, when law students agonize over filling out their NCAA brackets rather than doing their homework. For shame. Lucky for you, I Love LAP has looked into the crystal ball and developed a fool-proof method of picking the winners for this year's tournament. Let's begin.

Round One: Whose school has an ABA-accredited law school?

One team has a law school: Law School wins!
Kansas, UNLV, Michigan State, Tennessee, Georgetown, Ohio State, Vanderbilt, Minnesota, Pittsburgh, Kentucky, Wisconsin, Missouri, West Virginia, Duke, Notre Dame, Baylor, Richmond, Villanova advance.

Both teams have a law school: better US News law school ranking.
Maryland (43) def. Houston (59), Florida State (52) def. Gonzaga (100), BYU (41) def. Florida (51), Texas (15) def. Wake Forest (40), Cornell (13) def. Temple (65), Washington (30) def. Marquette (87), New Mexico (77) def. Montana (Tier 3), California (6) def. Louisville (98).
Both Syracuse and Vermont are tied at Tier 3, so we go to the tie-breaker: which one isn't a 16 seed? Syracuse wins!

Neither school has a law school: whose mascot has a funnier looking headpiece?
Oklahoma State def. Georgia Tech
Butler def. UTEP
Kansas State def. North Texas
Utah State def. Texas A&M
Purdue def. Siena

Round Two: Which school was established first?
Kansas (1865) def. UNLV (1957), Michigan State (1855) def. Maryland (1856), Georgetown (1789) def.Tennessee (1794), Ohio State (1870) def. Oklahoma State (1890), Florida State (1851) def. Syracuse (1870), Butler (1855) def. Vanderbilt (1873), Pittsburgh (1787) def. Minnesota (1851), Kansas State (1863) def. BYU (1875), Kentucky (1865) def. Texas (1883), Wisconsin (1848) def. Cornell (1865), Washington (1861) def. New Mexico (1889), Missouri (1839) def. West Virginia (1867), Duke (1838) def. California (1868), Purdue (1869) def. Utah State (1888), Notre Dame (1842) def. Baylor (1845), Richmond (1830) def. Villanova (1842).

Sweet Sixteen: IMDb rating of movie which is somehow related to the team via location, nickname, or content:
300 (7.8) def. The Jayhawkers! (6.0)
Buckeye and Blue (5.9) def. College Road Trip (3.5)
Battling Butler (7.2) def. Seminole (6.2)
The Pink Panther (7.2) def. Wee-Willie Wildcat (5.8)
The Kentucky Fried Movie (6.4) def. Badger (5.7)
The Tigger Movie (6.0) def. The Sixth Man (5.1)
Boiler Room (6.9) def. Devil in a Blue Dress (6.5)
The Hunchback of Notre Dame (6.5) def. Along Came a Spider (6.1)

Elite Eight: Which team is physically closer to the Final Four in Indianapolis?
Columbus, OH (177 mi.) def. East Lansing, MI (222 mi.)
Indianapolis, IN (5.7 mi.) def. Pittsburgh, PA (331 mi.)
Lexington, KY (148 mi.) def. Columbia, MO (335 mi.)
West Lafayette, IN (71 mi.) def. South Bend, IN (140 mi.)

Final Four: Ask Justice Scalia!

On Purdue/Kentucky: As you may know, I'm the kind of guy that expects to get exactly what I'm supposed to. No diversions, no substitutions, no shortchangings. Give me what I want. That's why a team like Kentucky disappoints me. Do you know how many wildcats there actually are in Kentucky? None. Not one. True wildcats by definition are only found in Asia and Africa. Oh sure, you might find some cats living out in the wild in the forests of Kentucky, but those cats are either strays without a home or descended from strays, making them feral cats. If the school were to call itself the Kentucky Feral Cats or the Kentucky Strays, that is a team I could get behind. Moreover, the misnomers continue on through the Kentucky roster. Have you ever looked at John Wall? He's not made of bricks or drywall. I find it hard to believe he would have any success keeping out the elements if I put him in my home. And DeMarcus Cousins? I have yet to see any documented evidence that he in fact does have cousins. But how about Purdue? Now there's a good honest team. Oh sure, not everyone at Purdue ends up making boilers. But some of them do. And that's what's important. Purdue is a big school for astronauts. And that's awesome. I talked to NASA about making my robe capable of taking the heat of reentering Earth's atmosphere, but they said that wasn't feasible. What do they know?
Boilermaking Astronauts 79, Feral Cats 51.
On Butler/Ohio State: Butler is another one of those schools I don't get. Why call yourselves the Bulldogs? When I think of the word Butler I don't think of bulldogs. I like the alliteration and all, but why not just be the Butlers? When you walk into Hinkle Fieldhouse, you should be led to your seat by a butler. And you should be able to say "Get me a ham and lobster sandwich with goat cheese" and they should have to get it for you. Or they're fired. I would support a constitutional amendment that would for all time make the Butler starting five Jeeves, Lurch, Alfred Pennyworth, Mr. Belvedere, and Geoffrey from Fresh Prince. As for the Buckeyes, I like the "The" in The Ohio State University. That's sweet. From now on, you will to me as THE Justice Scalia. For I am THE law.
The The's 81, Jeeves State U. 72.

Championship Game: Totally a coin flip. But not just any coin. An Irish two Euro coin.
Purdue wins.

There you have it. It can't possibly fail.

Evidence Lesson of the Day

2010-03-16T07:42:00.000-07:00

Where is that COMING FROM?!

2010-03-16T07:14:00.001-07:00

Legal Pro Lesson of the Day

2010-03-04T09:24:00.000-08:00

Evidence Lesson of the Day

2010-03-04T08:28:00.000-08:00

The Law Doesn't Apply to Quagmire!

2010-02-16T09:37:00.000-08:00

Tell Me More, Tell Me More

2010-01-21T08:57:00.000-08:00

Abandon All Hope, All Ye Who Cheer for the Cubs

2010-01-21T08:51:00.000-08:00

Someday We'll Find It, the Objection Connection

2010-01-21T08:31:00.001-08:00

Best Homework Assignment Ever? Best Homework Assignment Ever

2010-01-20T15:54:00.000-08:00

On January 15, 2006, the Indianapolis Colts hosted the Pittsburgh Steelers in the Divisional Round of the NFL playoffs. The sixth-seeded Steelers led the top-seeded Colts 21-18 in the late stages of the fourth quarter and were poised on the goal line to score a clinching touchdown, sending the Colts to the offseason. The Steelers handed the ball to their robust running back, Jerome Bettis, who fumbled the ball after not fumbling during the entire regular season. The ball was recovered in the open field by Nick Harper, whose wife had stabbed him in the leg only the day before. Only open space separated Harper from the endzone and an improbable Colts victory. But lumbering Steelers quarterback and amateur motorcycle daredevil Ben Roethlisberger managed to grab a hold of Harper’s injured leg and made a game-saving tackle. The Colts still had an opportunity to send the game to overtime on a Mike Vanderjagt field goal, but channeling his inner Scott Norwood and Nate Kaeding, the kicker missed the kick and eliminated Indianapolis.
The Steelers went on to win the Super Bowl, but had the most accurate kicker in the history of the NFL made a clutch field goal, or had Nick Harper’s wife waited two days to stab her husband, it would have been the Colts hoisting the Lombardi Trophy at Super Bowl XL.

Care to share yours with the class? Email us at welovelap@google.com

"The workers' comp claimant was reenacting a scene from Die Hard."

2010-01-19T15:45:00.000-08:00

I wonder if he passed Legal Pro...

2010-01-19T09:36:00.000-08:00

Evidence Lesson #2

2010-01-19T09:16:00.000-08:00

We're Back, Baby

2010-01-19T09:03:00.000-08:00

Heineken Due Process

2009-10-26T07:41:00.000-07:00

Another Classic Beyler Nod

2009-09-28T12:54:00.000-07:00

"A change in venue is not substantialiscious."

2009-09-23T12:18:00.000-07:00

This Message Brought to You by Professor Beyler

2009-09-11T12:28:00.000-07:00

What'd you learn in Corporations today?

2009-09-11T09:18:00.000-07:00

"You want to come over this weekend and help make chain-mail?"

2009-09-11T09:10:00.000-07:00

What's This? A New Feature? WHAT FUN!

2009-09-03T14:32:00.000-07:00

Hello there. Welcome to Poetry Corner Thursday, the corner of poetry that posts on Thursday. Here you will find original limericks, ballads, epics, sonnets, and other assorted forms of poetry at least tangentially related to the law school experience. This section, like all other content of I Love LAP is welcome for crowd participation. Have you written a ballad for your Corporations professor that you'd like to share with the class? Submit it to welovelap@gmail.com and we'll gladly share that. It would probably be a good idea to submit some poetry, lest you be stuck with my artistically-challenged verses.

Anyways, on to our first Poetry Corner Thursday submission!

A Haiku for Hagrid

Hagrid! Man or beast?
Born with beard or boldly grown?
Bears envy your fur

Quaker of classrooms!
Law school’s favorite Troglodyte
Young seals run scared

If I met an Orc
I would trust you to save me
With your brawn and boots

Your scrubs fit so snug
Same haircut as Miss Frizzle
From Magic School Bus

Hagrid! Man nor beast!
Your truth is mythology
Can you train my owl?

SPOLIATION ALERT!

2009-08-31T20:56:00.000-07:00

Detective Stabler: So your statement is that you lost control of the car going around a curve and slid off the road. Then you crashed through a fence and hit a utility pole.

Detective Benson: And you feel that you were injured because the airbags did not deploy properly?

Driver: Yes, that is accurate.

Detective Benson: So what happened to the car after the accident? You haven't shown me any smashed up cars.

Driver: Well, it wasn't my car, so I just let my landlady take care of it. They might have had it fixed, they might have scrapped, I really dunno.

Detective Stabler: Had you been drinking that night, sir?

Driver: Err, I, yuh.... No.

Detective Stabler: Are you sure about that? Wanna rethink your answer? Is there anything else you want to tell us about that night?

Driver: Nope, can't think of anything.

Detective Benson: We found the car underwater in a tidal channel.

Driver: I DOUBT THAT!

Oh.

Detective Benson: We also found a dead girl in the car. Anything you wanna tell us about that, SENATOR TED KENNEDY?

Everybody on the old cell block was dancin' to the schoolhouse rock

2009-08-26T11:50:00.000-07:00

You Think Sebastian Shark Aced Constitutional Law?

2009-08-26T07:30:00.000-07:00

Getting to know the Transfer Students

2009-08-26T07:11:00.000-07:00

First Day of School = Schoolhouse Rock, Obviously

2009-08-24T08:53:00.000-07:00

Anybody see anything wrong in the video?

Yeah, that looks nothing like Hawaii.

Will there be no justice for the proud Hawaiian people?

We're Back!!!

2009-08-23T19:25:00.000-07:00

GET EXCITED.

OR DIE TRYING.

NOW HERE'S A SHRIMP ON A TREADMILL.

I Love LAP Theatre - X-Men Origins: The Finals Encounter

2009-05-09T20:51:00.000-07:00

Test Proctor: Alright, is everyone at the double stop signs?

Wolverine: Yeah, I'm ready go. But what is that guy doing in here?

Proctor: Yes, this final examination is for X-Men only, sir. You're going to have to leave.

Kelsey Grammer: But I am one of the X-Men.

Storm: You're not one the X-Men, you're just Kelsey Grammer wearing a bunch of blue make-up. You're not a mutant. You don't have any superpowers.

Kelsey Grammer: You think I don't have any super powers? You ever see a little show called Frasier? Every person that ever appeared on that show was a holographic image I myself created. You were viewing a physical manifestation of my brain activity. And it was one of the great stalwarts of mid-90s primetime comedy. Super powers. David Hyde Pierce? Figment of my imagination.

Wolverine: You're full of it.

Kelsey Grammer: You think I don't possess super powers? Take a look at me.

Now take a look at my daughter, Spencer.

Storm: I see your point.

Wolverine: Too bad you couldn't give her a girl's name.

Kelsey Grammer: I got a girl's name, Spencer got a boy's name. It's an old family tradition.

Wolverine: It's an ongoing cycle of child abuse.

Kelsey Grammer: You're not one to talk about names. Logan? It sounds a type of decorative piece of office furniture. "Hey Helen, did you bring the documents? Oh shoot, no, I must have left them on the logan." And Jean Grey? I can't decide if that sounds like a porn star's acting name or a character from a Jane Austen novel.

Wolverine: MY NAME IS WOLVERINE!

Proctor: Yeah, okay guys we're going to need to go ahead and start this test. Mr. Grammer can stay. Sir, you're going to have to remove those glasses before we start.

Cyclops: WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!?

Proctor: Ok, you can keep them on. Let's get started.

Juggernaut: I'm gonna ace it, because I'M THE JUGGERNAUT, BITCH!

Proctor: You have three hours. You may begin.

3 HOURS LATER

Proctor: Ok, everyone, time is up.

Wolverine: Wow, that was brutal. How did you guys do?

Cyclops: I accidentally vaporized my computer. I got nothin.

Juggernaut: I'M THE JUGGERNAUT BITCH!

Storm: I'm pretty sure I failed. I need to just go outside and let off some steam.

Wolverine: Well, that was a bad idea.

P.S. - Sorry Cara.

What You Missed if You Missed the Property Review Session

2009-05-06T12:06:00.000-07:00

2:05

Rock Band Tutor - The Bravery

2009-05-04T19:29:00.000-07:00

What's that you say, The Bravery? It was an honest mistake? You swear you never meant for that?

Well, that's too bad. You had been allocated the risk of a mistake when the contract was made. You don't get to weasel out of it just because your unilateral mistake. Now, gimme my damages.

This Has Absolutely Nothing to Do With Law, But After Reading, It Absolutely Needed to Be Shared

2009-05-01T15:50:00.000-07:00

Originally Posted Here: http://deadspin.com/5226042/the-one-with-competitive-fanny-coughs-and-belichicks-casual-wear

(blows out) this remind me of my friend names Helen van Biscuits. There is mexicaned resterant in my town that have contest. They say whoever make loudest fanny cough will get a year supply of burrito for free. We have known for years that our friend names Helen just love them burritos so qwerts call her up and tell her about the contest. Helen get real excited but there is one problem. she can't make them fanny coughs loud enough. But one thing she do have is a brains.

So she do alotta research. She go to library and get books about intestines. She try eating different food. She try holdin in choclates for weeks. She try stading in diffrent position when making fanny coughs. There is no stones turned. She even have strategy meeitngs with my freind qwerts after work. Qwwerts suggest that maybe he could build tiny microphone that make it sound real loud but she say no. She is very honets and wouldn't feel good about winnin them burritos like that. She was at the end of a road and almost give up when teh break of a lifetime happen. She watching a tv show about archetecture of buildings and they say that sometime if there the right combonation of curves and openings that sounds can become ampflied and things sound real loud. It say they use these technique in some of the most famous auditorium in all of a world.

That night she try all different things that have curves and opening. She lean her fanny on a wall, teh window, she use kitchen items like a whinsk. But nothing work. As last resort she take her fingers and make opening between middle and next finger just like mr sponk (ecept it is alittle curved). She put her hand like that around the ###### and make a cough. Babooms! It is so loud that it set off 3 car alarms on teh street. But maybe she just get lucky? She try one more time and it is even more loud. She look out a window and there is like 6 animal jsut lookin at her. When you fart is loud enough to make a animal curious you know probably gonna win burritos.
So now she is all set. The contest is today at teh retsaraunt and she knows that destiny is in her bowls. She have her technique and pretty soon she gonna eat burrito for free and the world is her oysters. The contest start and the man who own the restaraunt ( it is called la Pringles) take the stage. "Hello to everyones. Today is day of contest and whoever make teh loudest fanny cough win burrito for a year. on behalfs of me and everyone who work at el pringles, welcome and let teh farters begin! Will all contestant please come to stage." It turn out there is only two people in contest. One is Helen van bisquits and the other is some lady names maria pringles (but they say she aint related). Teh owner say "OK, it just you two, who ever is loudest win!"
So Helen go first. She take a few deep breath. She close her eyes so she can really concentrate. Everyone get real quiet (it real packed there). She slowly hold up her hand and seperate her fingers and curve them (an old lady gasp). She turn around slow and take her her fingers and place them around the outside of teh angus. Here we go. She begin and she let out what is probly one of teh loudest noise ever to come out of a body including screams. It sound like part boat horn and part nucleared esplosion. It is breathtaking and it last for almost 20 seconds. When it is done there is total silence esept for one old man who lookin around and pointing to his ears and tellin everyone he think he is now deaf, but people is pretty much ignore him. Eventually helen turn around and one person start clappin, then a few more and soon it is become a standing ovation. "Borava!" one lady scream. another little girl go to teh stage and give helen a bouquet of flower. Helen is touched and a tear come out. Even Maria pringles look impressed. What can she do ecept to tip her hat to one hell of a fanny cough.

So teh claps die down (ecept for that old deaf man but he wife tell him to calm down and they will hearing aid later). So now it is maria turn. Everyone get quiet again and give maria they attention. Maria look around, she bite down real hard and skin on her nose scrunch. She start counting..."one....two....THREE!" She let out her cough and it sound like snores, but it get a little louder and a little louder and then suddenly there is a second noise that going with it and then ....BOOM teh window esplode! People is so confused. Where did that second part of teh cough come from and how did them windows broke? How does she do that? Teh owner of La Pringle take the microphone "We have a winner! It is maria pringles! Her farts is so loud they break them windows and is sound almost like simons and Garf's uncle when it come out. Congratulation to maria and enjoy you burritos!" Maria start jumping up and down and I look at Helen von bicuits and she is devistating. Even people who watching really don't know what happen. They know that helen probably was louder but Maria broke them windows. So if Helen don't break teh windows and maria do, maria must have been louder.

Helen walk down teh stage and she is very upset. She come to us and say that she try her best and we agree. Qwerts say that he was so impressed by what she do and say he now really attracted to her because she is so talent. We agree it best to go home but Helen want to go say thank you to teh owner before she leave. She have so much class that even though she lose she gonna say thank you. Her fanny is real impressive but her character is loudest of all.
So she look around for him and cant find him. She check everywhere and then finally she look through teh door into the kitchen. That is when she see something that change she life forever. She see teh a whole bunch of people dancing around and singing. She see teh owner, he family and Maria pringle is there too. They is throwing people around on chairs like it is jewished wedding. They is all singing and laughing. She hear teh owner say that he so proud of maria pringles and that Maria is a long lost cousin and they rig teh conest so Maria would get them free burritos. It turn out that there were two little boys that threw rocks at teh windows (he give them free taco) when Maria was makin her coughs and teh second, higher pitch noise when Maria was makin her cough was actually teh owner blowing into a special ring he was wearin that make whistles. He time everything just right and with the harmony and teh glass breaking everyone get tricked into believing that Maria was making it all happen but it was all mirage.
Helen is now so mad she burst through the door into the kitchen and everybody who was dancing an laughing stop and look at her. Teh owner say, "Oh, uh, helen, oh, i we sorry that you lose and uh, we..." but helen cut him off. She slowly raise her right and seperate her fingers. Now people are getting real serioused and starting to panic. "No, dont do it helen" maria scream. But helen don't listen. She turn around, put her fingers on teh ######. Me and qwerts have no gone to teh door to watch and helen look over at qwerts and he say to her (real soft) "I love you." and with those words she let out a cough that so loud you cant hear nothin, you could only see teh looks over terror on teh face of teh pringle family. Some bottles of hot sauce start esploding and Maria Pringle get blown against a wall. Some of them beans also esplode and they go into teh owners eyes and I can see him mouthing "i am blind! I blind." She finish and say "you can keep you burritos, from now on I only gonna eat chinesed."

she walk out of teh kitchen and back in the restarant and the people part for her like a red sea. They clappin and pattin her on her shoulders when she walkin by. The old man who went deaf say that teh second farts knock he hearing back and now it is even better than ever. The mayor is there too and he say "I declares today is helen biscuits day." Helen stop and say thank you to everyone and wave. They all wave back but with they fingers a little apart and curve as a sign of respect. Helen tap her heart and show how much that mean to her. She may not have won all them burritos but she won alotta friends and when it is all done and said, burritos go in you and come out but friends stay in you forever.

stu1ds
p and s when i was writin this i think i hear helen make a loud one ...lol hey huerta if you readin this dont tell jimmy **** that i put xlax in teh chuck wagons...lol

Congress Knows Your Dirty Little Secret

2009-05-01T12:50:00.000-07:00

Sadly, no mention of necro-beastiality.

Ding Dong the Witch Is Dead!

2009-05-01T12:22:00.000-07:00

Well.... that's it. The end of the most mind-numbing class most of us have ever been a part of. The end of an era. A generally unpleasant era, but an era nonetheless.

But the end of LAP does not mean the end of I Love LAP. This was created with the goal of bringing out the funny in the study of law, and that can surely go on, even without our flagship class.

To that end, I encourage input from you, fair reader. Have something you want to share with the class? Experience something that was positively LAP-tastic that needs to be enshrined for its sheer LAP-ticity? Write an entertaining story about an easement only to be disappointed to find out it wasn't going to be shared with the class? Wanna tell me how much I suck for not posting anything for the last week?

Email your submissions, suggestions, and such business to welovelap@gmail.com

But, as for LAP itself, well, hemanahemanahemanahemana

Hitler's Thoughts on the Last LAP Class

2009-04-24T08:00:00.000-07:00

A Look Into the Nightmares of a Contracts Professor

2009-04-21T13:50:00.000-07:00

Not-So-Noble Romans

2009-04-15T11:39:00.000-07:00

One Constitutional Clause to Rule Them All

2009-04-15T11:36:00.000-07:00

I Love LAP Theatre: The Three Little Pigs & the Big Bad Zoning Board

2009-04-13T07:57:00.000-07:00

Pontius Piglet: .... So there I am, in my lovely house of straw, minding my own business, when this wolf just strolls right up and knocks on my door. "Little pig, little pig, let me in," he says. So I bust a rhyme and I'm all like "Not by the hair on my chinny chin chin". I mean, why would I let a wolf into my house? Best case scenario, he's some sort of door-to-door salesman. Worst case scenario, he wants to shred me up on top of his meat salad. I ain't down with that.

Besides, I was in the middle of cooking some delicious slop on the fireplace. No way I was answering the door. And then the wolf just goes and blows my house down. That scalawag. So I hauled my curly tail out of there and to Harry's place.

Hamwise Gamgee: So wait, you had a fireplace in your house made of straw?

Pontius: Well, yeah.

Hamwise: Yeah, you're probably better off having that place burnt down. What happened at your place, Harry?

Harry Plopper: Basically the same thing. Pontius came by, told me what happened back at his house, and then the wolf comes strolling up, tells us he's going to blow the house down, then blows the house down.

Pontius: Even though I don't really think it was totally the wolf's fault.

Hamwise: How do you mean?

Harry: I attended the Eeyore School of Design. It was probably destined to happen.

Samwise: I see.

Pontius: So that's why we're here. We need a place to hide from the wolf, and your place is the sturdiest around.

Samwise: No problem, friends. If the wolf comes by, we'll see how he likes bricks, mortar, and tempered glass.

Harry: You're a life saver.

[KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK]

Pontius: OH GOD HE'S HERE! HE'S COME TO EAT MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! HE WANTS TO DEVOUR MY DELICIOUS BACON HIDE!

Samwise: Relax, guy. He can't get in here. Let me handle this.

.... You might as well just walk away right now, there's no meal here for you, you Big Bad..... Bill Lumbergh?

Bill Lumbergh: What's happening?

Hamwise: What are you doing here?

Bill Lumbergh: I represent the town.

Hamwise: Ok, so what are you doing here?

Bill Lumbergh: We're getting some new industries moving in, so we're going to need to go ahead and move out immediately. We're going to need as much space as we can get, so if you could just go ahead pack up all of your stuff and move it out of here, that would be great. OK?

Hamwise: No, it's not OK. I just built this place. I have a lot of money and hogpower invested in this place. What makes you think it would be OK?

Bill Lumbergh: Well, the area we are standing in is zoned as heavy industrial, not residential. So we're gonna need you to move out of here. OK, great.

Hamwise: You zoned this area heavy industrial?

Bill Lumbergh: The town is expecting a large increase in industry in the next few years. So if you could move out now, that would be great.

Hamwise: No way. There's gotta be some way I can fight this. Get it rezoned or something.

Bill Lumbergh: I'm afraid that time has passed. We gave you a chance. We sent you all those notices in the mail.

Hamwise: That's what those were? I had no idea, since I'm English illiterate. I can only read Pig Latin

Harry Plopper: You know, it's a pretty simple conversion between English and Pig Latin. All you have to do is take the first letter and put it at the end along with an "ay".

Hamwise: Shut up, Plopper. Who do I look like, Enry-Hay Inkler-Way?

Bill Lumbergh: Yeah, I'm gonna need you to just go ahead and move out. That would be great.

Hamwise: There is no way I am moving out. You're going have to take down my house with me in it.

Bill Lumbergh: I was afraid of that. That's why we brought him.

Hamwise: Him? What's he gonna do, breathe really hard on my front door? Is he going to spread pulmonary disease somehow? Your huffing and puffing isn't going to do it against my fine works of masonry. You know what kind of pig I am? I'm the kind of pig who built the Great Wall of China out of stone, and braun. This is a magnificient edifice. It's edificient. You're gonna have to do a lot better than that, Lumbergh.

Bill Lumbergh: We also brought a bobcat.

Hamwise: A bobcat? A bobcat. A bobcat doesn't even have as much lung capacity of a wolf. You're grabbing at straws, Lumbergh. You and your roving gang of woodland creatures are going to cry WEEEEEEE WEEEE WEEEEE all the way home. You've got no shot against my architecture. Just give it up.....

Hamwise: Oh. FML.

Your I Love LAP Anthem Has Arrived

2009-04-10T13:31:00.000-07:00

And the award goes to Anthrax!

If They Had Chosen a Different Career Path....

2009-04-10T12:50:00.000-07:00

Dean Alexander

Professor Beyler

Professor Britton

Professor Basanta

A Bad Mother SHUT YO MOUTH

2009-04-10T10:47:00.000-07:00

Priorities

2009-04-10T08:03:00.000-07:00

The Comeuppance Series

2009-04-09T22:09:00.001-07:00

Add your suggestions in the comments

For Every Overreaction, There Is an Equal and Opposite Overreaction

2009-04-08T21:13:00.000-07:00

Indiana Jones and the Textualism of Doom

2009-04-08T10:46:00.000-07:00

This Cat is a Commey Fashust

2009-04-06T08:27:00.001-07:00

Via http://www.planetizen.com/node/29831

Zoning... Brought to You by Commey Fashusts

2009-04-06T08:20:00.000-07:00

Picture via http://wrybread.com/WryRoad/signimages/01.shtml

Hey Jude

2009-04-06T07:07:00.000-07:00

Skoglund Rock City

2009-04-06T07:02:00.000-07:00

5 Questions....

2009-04-03T13:33:00.000-07:00

You Should Not Ask Our Guest Today

1. What is it like to work in the only state capitol in the United States without a McDonald's?
2. Is it true that Ben & Jerry's is Vermont's only profitable export?
3. Are you going to be like your fellow Vermonter and go and take back the White House? YAAAAH!

4. Do you still have a job if Vermont secedes?
5. Did you know the name Vermont comes from the French for Green Mountain?

How I Spent My Summer Vacation by Professor Basanta

2009-04-03T13:17:00.000-07:00

I'M ON A BOAT, I'M ON A BOAT
EVERYBODY LOOK AT ME
CAUSE I'M SAILING ON A BOAT

I'M ON A BOAT, TAKE A LOOK AT ME
STRAIGHT FLOWIN ON A BOAT
ON THE DEEP BLUE SEA

GOT MY SWIM TRUNKS
AND MY FLIPPY FLOPPIES

I'M FLIPPIN BURGERS, YOU AT KINKOS
STRAIGHT FLIPPIN COPIES

I'M RIDIN ON A DOLPHIN
GETTING EVERYBODY ALL WET

BUT THIS AIN'T SEA WORLD
THIS IS REAL AS IT GETS
I'M ON A BOAT
DON'T YOU EVER FORGET

I'M ON A BOAT AND
IT'S GOING FAST AND
I GOT A NAUTICAL THEMED
PASHMINA AFGHAN

I'M THE KING OF THE WORLD
ON A BOAT LIKE LEO
IF YOU'RE ON THE SHORE
YOU'RE SURE NOT ME-OH

FORGET LAND, I'M ON A BOAT
FORGET TREES, I CLIMB BUOYS

GONNA FLY THIS BOAT TO
THE MOON SOMEHOW

LIKE KEVIN GARNETT
ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE

NEVER THOUGHT I'D BE ON A BOAT
IT'S A BIG BLUE WATERY ROAD

POSEIDON, LOOK AT ME
NEVER THOUGHT I'D SEE THE DAY
WHEN A BIG BOAT COMING MY WAY
BELIVE ME WHEN I SAY

I MET A MERMAID, WENT ON A COUPLE DATES,
FELL IN LOVE, GOT MARRIED, HAD A COUPLE OF MERKIDS.
WHAT WERE YOU EXPECTING?

SEE, THERE'S ONE OF THEM NOW

I Love LAP Theatre: The Supreme Court Goes to Denny's

2009-04-03T08:45:00.000-07:00

Waitress: ..... And we have a Grand Slam for you, sixteen strips of bacon for you, and one more Grand Slam for you. Alright, does everything look all right?

Justice Souter: Looks good, thank you.

Chief Justice Roberts: Yes, everything looks delicious.

Justice Scalia: Umm, excuse me ma'am. Where is the rest of my eggs?

Waitress: I'm sorry, sir. I don't understand. You ordered two eggs, sunny side up, right?

Justice Scalia: Yes. Two eggs, sunny side up. Where is the rest of the eggs?

Waitress: You have two sunny side eggs in front of you.

Justice Scalia: Yes, the insides of two eggs. The menu says I get two eggs. Not the yolks of two eggs, not the whites of two eggs, not the insides of two eggs. Two eggs. Where are my shells?

Justice Alito: Oh God, not again.

Waitress: You wanted to be served egg shells?

Justice Scalia: That's what I ordered. Two eggs. That's what is on the menu. That's what I want. Where are my shells? I didn't say anything when I ordered "water" and you brought me water sullied with ice cubes, but this is just unconscionable.

Justice Souter: What on earth are you going to do with egg shells?

Justice Scalia: That's none of your damn business, Dave.

Waitress: I'm sorry, sir, I.... I....

Justice Scalia: And another thing, why did Stevens get two slices of toast? He's only supposed to get one.

Justice Stevens: I only have one slice of toast, tubbo. It's cut in half.

Justice Scalia: Sliced in half. Two slices.

Justice Kennedy: So if they were to go in the back and cut a whole loaf of bread in half, that would be two slices of bread? That's ridiculous.

Justice Scalia: But it would be true to the words on the menu. Something this establishment apparently has no interest in.

Justice Breyer: Since you're still here, Miss, could I send these back and get some different pancakes?

Waitress: Do they taste wrong or something?

Justice Breyer: Absolutely not. They're delicious. They're just too thick.

Chief Justice Roberts: Too thick?

Justice Breyer: Yes, my research on the origins of the pancake have revealed that a true pancake has a thickness no greater than a quarter of an inch. These specimens are over three-eights of an inch thick. Could you have the guys in back make me some proper pancakes please?

Justice Ginsburg: They're pancakes. They're round. They're delicious. And they invariably give you room-clearing gas. Wait, you brought a ruler to breakfast?

Justice Breyer: Uh, yeah. What about it?

Justice Alito: And you found it necessary to research "pancakes"?

Justice Breyer: Uh, yeah. Like always. You guys never pay attention to me. Anyways, could I just go ahead and get those pancakes?..... Super.

Justice Scalia: And bring me my egg shells! And a manager.

[5 minutes later]

Denny's Manager: I'm sorry, your Honors, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave....

Chief Justice Roberts: I was afraid of that.

Denny's Manager: And never come back.

Chief Justice Roberts: That too.

Justice Breyer: How would you define 'never'? For future reference.

Justice Clarence Thomas: Hey can I get a box for my sixteen strips of bacon?

An Inconvenient Promo

2009-04-02T17:01:00.000-07:00

While I'm Here, You Wanna Buy Some Volcano Insurance?

2009-04-02T16:59:00.000-07:00

Important News from the ABA Journal Website

2009-04-02T16:47:00.000-07:00

Pole Dancing. It's an art. A Judge says so. A lady judge. So there you have it.

This is a Public Service Announcement

2009-04-02T09:50:00.000-07:00

Since We're Talking About The Onion and the Supreme Court....

2009-04-01T14:32:00.000-07:00

Clarence Thomas Only Gets to Hang With Kazaam

2009-04-01T14:14:00.000-07:00

Coming Soon - Appellate Brief for Wii

2009-04-01T13:55:00.000-07:00

An I Love LAP Exclusive!

2009-04-01T13:51:00.000-07:00

Don't forget to bring your funnel!

2009-04-01T10:13:00.000-07:00

Preambles are like UN Resolutions

2009-04-01T10:12:00.001-07:00

Wait, it's a knife?

2009-04-01T10:09:00.000-07:00

Quiz Day

2009-04-01T09:13:00.001-07:00

And Now, an Excerpt from the Life of a LAP Professor

2009-04-01T09:08:00.000-07:00

No, No, Please God No

2009-03-29T12:57:00.000-07:00

George W. Bush Doesn't Care About Adverse Possession

2009-03-29T12:08:00.000-07:00

Why You Don't Mix Your Easements

2009-03-29T11:46:00.001-07:00

Never Become Friends With a Lion

2009-03-28T14:19:00.000-07:00

To whoever stole/hid the legislative history books, I hope you get a red-hot poker up the poop shoot

Statistickery

2009-03-28T14:08:00.000-07:00

Justice Scalia is Staring Into Your Soul and Would Like to Make Passionate but Gentle Love to Your Underparts

2009-03-27T22:00:00.000-07:00

Say Bill, What's This Class About

2009-03-27T21:52:00.000-07:00

APPELLATE TEAM ASSEMBLE!!!

2009-03-27T21:01:00.000-07:00

So Many Tools, So Little Construction

2009-03-27T20:47:00.000-07:00

Erie Railroad v. Tompkins Gets Medieval

2009-03-27T20:29:00.000-07:00

CSPAN is Not Helpful

2009-03-27T20:17:00.000-07:00

Bluto Blutarski, Attorney at Law

2009-03-27T19:37:00.000-07:00

His Hair is Hyyyyyyyyyyyydromatic

2009-03-27T18:11:00.000-07:00

I Don't Know Much About Canons of Construction

2009-03-27T17:57:00.000-07:00

Class Participation Optional

2009-03-27T17:48:00.000-07:00

The First Paragraph on Page 457, Chris

2009-03-27T17:40:00.000-07:00

The Original

2009-03-27T17:34:00.000-07:00