Heineken Due Process

Another Classic Beyler Nod

"A change in venue is not substantialiscious."

This Message Brought to You by Professor Beyler

What'd you learn in Corporations today?

"You want to come over this weekend and help make chain-mail?"

What's This? A New Feature? WHAT FUN!

Hello there. Welcome to Poetry Corner Thursday, the corner of poetry that posts on Thursday. Here you will find original limericks, ballads, epics, sonnets, and other assorted forms of poetry at least tangentially related to the law school experience. This section, like all other content of I Love LAP is welcome for crowd participation. Have you written a ballad for your Corporations professor that you'd like to share with the class? Submit it to welovelap@gmail.com and we'll gladly share that. It would probably be a good idea to submit some poetry, lest you be stuck with my artistically-challenged verses.

Anyways, on to our first Poetry Corner Thursday submission!


A Haiku for Hagrid




Hagrid! Man or beast?
Born with beard or boldly grown?
Bears envy your fur

Quaker of classrooms!
Law school’s favorite Troglodyte
Young seals run scared

If I met an Orc
I would trust you to save me
With your brawn and boots

Your scrubs fit so snug
Same haircut as Miss Frizzle
From Magic School Bus

Hagrid! Man nor beast!
Your truth is mythology
Can you train my owl?

SPOLIATION ALERT!

Detective Stabler: So your statement is that you lost control of the car going around a curve and slid off the road. Then you crashed through a fence and hit a utility pole.

Detective Benson: And you feel that you were injured because the airbags did not deploy properly?

Driver: Yes, that is accurate.

Detective Benson: So what happened to the car after the accident? You haven't shown me any smashed up cars.

Driver: Well, it wasn't my car, so I just let my landlady take care of it. They might have had it fixed, they might have scrapped, I really dunno.

Detective Stabler: Had you been drinking that night, sir?

Driver: Err, I, yuh.... No.

Detective Stabler: Are you sure about that? Wanna rethink your answer? Is there anything else you want to tell us about that night?

Driver: Nope, can't think of anything.

Detective Benson: We found the car underwater in a tidal channel.

Driver: I DOUBT THAT!



Oh.

Detective Benson: We also found a dead girl in the car. Anything you wanna tell us about that, SENATOR TED KENNEDY?

Everybody on the old cell block was dancin' to the schoolhouse rock

You Think Sebastian Shark Aced Constitutional Law?

Getting to know the Transfer Students

First Day of School = Schoolhouse Rock, Obviously

Anybody see anything wrong in the video?









Yeah, that looks nothing like Hawaii.

Will there be no justice for the proud Hawaiian people?

We're Back!!!

GET EXCITED.

OR DIE TRYING.

NOW HERE'S A SHRIMP ON A TREADMILL.

I Love LAP Theatre - X-Men Origins: The Finals Encounter

Test Proctor: Alright, is everyone at the double stop signs?



Wolverine: Yeah, I'm ready go. But what is that guy doing in here?


Proctor: Yes, this final examination is for X-Men only, sir. You're going to have to leave.




Kelsey Grammer: But I am one of the X-Men.




Storm: You're not one the X-Men, you're just Kelsey Grammer wearing a bunch of blue make-up. You're not a mutant. You don't have any superpowers.


Kelsey Grammer: You think I don't have any super powers? You ever see a little show called Frasier? Every person that ever appeared on that show was a holographic image I myself created. You were viewing a physical manifestation of my brain activity. And it was one of the great stalwarts of mid-90s primetime comedy. Super powers. David Hyde Pierce? Figment of my imagination.


Wolverine: You're full of it.


Kelsey Grammer: You think I don't possess super powers? Take a look at me.

Now take a look at my daughter, Spencer.





Storm: I see your point.


Wolverine: Too bad you couldn't give her a girl's name.


Kelsey Grammer: I got a girl's name, Spencer got a boy's name. It's an old family tradition.


Wolverine: It's an ongoing cycle of child abuse.


Kelsey Grammer: You're not one to talk about names. Logan? It sounds a type of decorative piece of office furniture. "Hey Helen, did you bring the documents? Oh shoot, no, I must have left them on the logan." And Jean Grey? I can't decide if that sounds like a porn star's acting name or a character from a Jane Austen novel.



Wolverine: MY NAME IS WOLVERINE!


Proctor: Yeah, okay guys we're going to need to go ahead and start this test. Mr. Grammer can stay. Sir, you're going to have to remove those glasses before we start.




Cyclops: WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!?


Proctor: Ok, you can keep them on. Let's get started.


Juggernaut: I'm gonna ace it, because I'M THE JUGGERNAUT, BITCH!


Proctor: You have three hours. You may begin.




3 HOURS LATER


Proctor: Ok, everyone, time is up.


Wolverine: Wow, that was brutal. How did you guys do?


Cyclops: I accidentally vaporized my computer. I got nothin.


Juggernaut: I'M THE JUGGERNAUT BITCH!


Storm: I'm pretty sure I failed. I need to just go outside and let off some steam.










Wolverine: Well, that was a bad idea.

P.S. - Sorry Cara.